I’m going to be honest with you here and my guess is that I'm not the only one who feels this way?

LGBTIQ relationships take me out of my comfort zone. And I’m voting YES. Watching LGBTIQ couples hug, kiss, hold hands or gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes makes me uncomfortable. And I’m voting YES.The sex in LGBTIQ relationships is foreign to me and thinking about it for longer than a fleeting moment feels unfamiliar, and on some level perhaps even wrong and wayward to me. And I’m voting YES. I don’t fully understand what trans-gender, inter-sex, queer, the + sign, and some other LGBTIQ+ terms mean and sometimes that makes me feel frustrated, ignorant and uneducated. And I’m voting YES.From what I know of SafeSchools, I don’t like it. But I recognise that SafeSchools is a totally different issue to Marriage Equality. And I’m voting YES.I believe wholeheartedly in the value of marriage and the importance of healthy families as a building block of healthy communities. And I’m voting YES.Respectfully explaining Marriage Equality to my children when they’re old enough will require me to evolve my world view, embrace a growth mindset, find some new language and overcome the last remnants of my deep childhood conditioning that same sex attraction is not ‘normal’ or ‘right’. And I’m voting YES.Subconsciously I may have formed a link between Marriage Equality and the likelihood of my own children identifying as LGBTIQ, and that makes me a little anxious because it’s unchartered waters and I’m not sure how I’d deal with it. And I’m voting YES.I’m voting YES for Marriage Equality because I already voted YES for changing the definition of marriage when I supported my own parents, relatives and friends in their decision to divorce. A right which already exists in direct contravention of the exact same definition of marriage that’s in question now. I am choosing not to be a hypocrite by getting my knickers in a knot over changing the ‘union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others’ part while conveniently ignoring the fact that we’ve ALREADY amended the ENTIRE rest of the spirit and letter of this definition i.e. solemn and binding relationship entered into for life by allowing divorce.

You see I’m big enough and brave enough to admit that Marriage Equality is new and different and unfamiliar to me and as such it triggers a certain amount of fear, discomfort and resistance. Despite this I can pinpoint no valid reason to withhold the institution of marriage from LGBTIQ people.

So rather than grasping at straws finding a bunch of hypocritical, nonfactual and unrelated scare tactics to validate my fear of change and the unfamiliar I will own my discomfort and recognise it as a normal part of change and an opportunity for growth. Rather than ostracize them, I will grow. Rather than dismiss what I do not personally experience, I will evolve. Rather than let the unfamiliar scare me, I will be brave. Rather than clinging to the comfort of the past, I will embrace the uncertain future that lays before me, before us all, Marriage Equality or not!

If you are planning to vote ‘no’ I ask you to consider, truly consider, whether your opposition to Marriage Equality is really about preserving the definition of marriage (which is already directly contravened by divorce – a right many ‘no’ proponents have personally asserted or supported a loved one through) or whether it’s actually about preserving your comfort zone? Whether Marriage Equality is really an affront to your own marriage or whether your opposition is more about keeping things easy and familiar and normal? Whether you truly believe the children of LGBTIQ couples would be worse off if their parents were married or whether you’re afraid of having difficult discussions with your own children about a diverse and changing world?

Right now for many of us Marriage Equality feels unfamiliar, it is outside our comfort zone, it challenges our norms, it may make us feel ignorant and uneducated, and it may shake up the relatively conservative upbringing we’d imagined for our children.

Marriage Equality requires us to grow as a nation, YES. It requires us to grow as individuals, YES. It requires us to face our personal fears and discomforts head on, YES. But let’s be honest with ourselves that this is why we oppose Marriage Equality and then let’s be bigger than our fear and embrace a growth mindset.

Let’s vote YES Australia.

Mr Tim Watts

Federal Member for Gellibrand

97 Geelong Road Footscray VIC 3011

17 August 2017

Dear Mr Tim Watts,

I am a constituent in your electorate and I urge you not to endorse a postal vote or a postal survey, but instead to hold a parliamentary vote this year supporting marriage equality. Please log my view for your official records and confirm that you have done so.

I am in the unique position of having argued vehemently against marriage equality for the first 3 decades of my life before forming my current views in support of marriage equality. I am not proud of my early beliefs and behaviours and they do not represent my current views. But I wish to share them through this letter to provide an insight into the kind of damaging behaviour that will ensue if we open this issue up for a ‘respectful discussion’, with ‘yes’ and ‘no’ media campaigns. Please note, I will be publishing this as an open letter.

I know you support marriage equality but for the record the fact that my opinion matters on whether a consenting adult human being is able to marry their consenting adult partner who they love seems unjust. I mean, it’s nice for my ego that my opinion has been solicited but why should I hold any power over an LGBTIQ person’s right to marry? Especially since they have no power to veto mine!

At present I have the right to marry because I am biologically wired one way but LGBTIQ people don’t because they’re biologically wired a different way. And now I get to vote, we all get to vote, on whether their biological make-up is as legitimate and worthy of the right to marry as mine? Seems a little prejudiced doesn’t it? Especially if I happen to hold personal views about the legitimacy of being LGBTIQ. Views that may lack empirical evidence or understanding. Views that may be founded in religious conditioning that considers LGBTIQ people sinners and their love an abomination. Views that my beliefs are the only true beliefs and that any opposing views are the work of Satan himself.

Some may wonder how I can be so cynical about the ability of Australian’s to have a ‘respectful discussion’ about marriage equality. The reason is because these are precisely the views I held about LGBTIQ and marriage equality for the first 28-30 years of my life. Had I been asked to vote in a Plebiscite back then, I would have cherished my right to campaign against LGBTIQ people’s right to marry in the name of Jesus.

You see for 28 years I was a bigoted born again Pentecostal Christian who believed that homosexuality was a sin; that LGBTIQ relationships were an abomination; that marriage equality was part of Satan’s evil plan; that homosexuality, bestiality and incest were equal sins and that it was my duty as a Christian to obstruct all of these acts of Satan on earth; certainly not to condone them. As Christ’s representative on this earth I felt compelled to share the gospel with LGBTIQ people, to warn them that homosexuality was a sin, and convince them that they needed to repent and accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour unless they wanted to burn in hell for all eternity.

One example of how this played out is the story of my friend Nathan. We met at university, he came to church with me, repented and accepted Jesus Christ, underwent damaging and traumatic conversion therapies and lost 10 years of his life battling himself, his identity, his faith, his friends and family, before finally accepting that he was gay. He was strong enough to get through that journey, but many are not and sadly he lost several LGBTIQ friends to suicide along the way. You can learn more of his story here: www.insideexgay.org.

Today I am deeply sorry for the harm I caused to those who bore the brunt of my conviction. Back then though when I thought of LGBTIQ people and marriage equality, I was not thinking about the rights of two consenting adults in love to marry. Rather I was thinking about sinners living in sin. Back then a ‘yes’ vote for marriage equality would have been the equivalent of a ‘yes’ vote for bestiality, for incest, for Satan.

These beliefs were instilled within me as part of my Christian faith and I suspect the average Australian would be aghast to know just how much of what I believed is also believed by a range of Australian Christians – not just a small group of Pentecostals. Christians who will be casting their vote against marriage equality in the upcoming Plebiscite, because they still believe that to be LGBTIQ is a sin, that its Satan’s work, that it’s a gateway to ‘other’ debaucherous acts such as bestiality and incest.

It took me years to identify and examine these beliefs objectively with the safety of professional psychological support; to accept that I had been so bigoted and that my behaviour towards others had been harmful, despite my lack of intention to harm. To be clear I am not saying all Christians are religious bigots, that all Christians share these beliefs or that all Christians would be as insensitive towards LGBTIQ people as I was. But plenty are. And those who are will speak out loud and proud during this Plebiscite to defend their beliefs, just as I did for 28 years. And the things they will say, like the things I said, are nothing short of abusive towards LGBTIQ individuals.

Take the following as an example. The following comments are copied directly from social media posts from the last week. The original post came from an old church friend of mine and the ensuing comments are from that same community. These comments are mild compared with the sorts of horrific comments and accusations LGBTIQ people will have to publicly endure if we go to a Plebiscite:

ORIGINAL POST: “It is ok. What I mean by this, it is ok to state your opinion, it is ok to be different. There is so much talk in relation to the vote on same sex marriage. The trend of pressure in the media and social media is a push for a yes vote, but I ask the question is it ok to say no? I am here to say yes it is ok to say NO - even though this is opposite to the trend. Does this make me a homophobic person, the answer is NO. I have a belief system and why should I compromise what I believe from the pressures around me. I love and will respect each person the same way, if gay or straight. But I will not be silenced or bullied into saying yes. People such has Karl from the today show and other TV personalities get to have their opinion on TV. Well here is mine. There are people who will like, love and hate what I have said, but I do have the right to freedom of speech and this is what I believe. It is ok to say NO. So get registered to vote on this crucial topic but just remember to vote on your belief system not on what you are pressured by media to vote.”

COMMENT: “My own personal belief is that people should have the choice to marry a same sex partner if they like. It's no big deal to me as I view marriage as a personal contract/act between the two people involved and having nothing to do with anyone else.”

RESPONSE:

COMMENT: “What I was suggesting is that is the natural progression of things. People are already taking up about child brides/bestiality … and even polygamy such as in the US. IT IS THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF THINGS”

COMMENT: “Bravo! I have campaigned consistently against gay marriage since the whole thing started. What people don't realise is the spiritual aspect to this. It not just about two people celebrating a wedding, it involves what happens next as we're seeing in countries which have already ratified gay marriage. The most recent is Canada which in this last week is now considering introducing laws to legalise bestiality. Open one door to the enemy he will open others very quickly”

There are far more venomous comments than these already on social media, but you get the idea.

Before we subject our LGBTIQ citizens to a public Plebiscite with public, and possibly more damaging private, ‘yes’ and ‘no’ campaigns we must ask whether we have equipped them with the resilience and mental health support required to handle the abuse that will be inevitably levelled at them, right to their faces; including the accusation that because they are LGBTIQ they are somehow part of Satan’s plan; that because they are LGBTIQ they are evil sinners; that because they are LGBTIQ it is a natural progression for them to commit acts of bestiality and incest; that they are as morally void as paedophiles. These comments are shocking; they are irrational and disrespectful but I know they will be said, because I said them myself directly to those struggling with their sexual identity and those proudly LGBTIQ. And I was not the only one. These sorts of comments are common in the defence of Christian beliefs.

My story highlights just how disrespectful, harmful and bigoted ‘discussions’ can become when people hold their religious beliefs in higher regard than the humanity, mental health and well-being, self-worth and self-esteem of those they deem non-believers or ‘sinners’. Sadly those making such comments are often oblivious to how abusive they are being towards LGBTIQ people, in fact many come from a perceived place of love, a desire to lead the sinner to Christ. Regardless of the intent, it’s disgraceful to subject our LGBTIQ citizens to this kind of abuse and at the invitation of the Government no less.

The reality is if marriage equality is voted through, not a single person will be forced to marry someone of the same sex if they don’t want to – any more than people can be forced to marry now. Same sex marriage has no bearing whatsoever on the value, significance or sacredness of a straight couple’s marriage. Realistically marriage equality affects straight marriage in no harmful way whatsoever. The only reason to oppose marriage equality lies in religious beliefs, which are at best kept for those who subscribe to the religion and at worst an excuse for engaging in abusive behaviour towards others in the name of God.

In closing I implore you to do everything possible to oppose a postal vote or a postal survey, and to instead hold a parliamentary vote this year supporting marriage equality. Please let’s do everything possible to extend to our LGBTIQ citizens the same marriage rights as heterosexual citizens enjoy and let’s do it without subjecting them to the horrific abuse that is inevitable should we go to a Plebiscite.

Respectfully,

Kristie McMaster

Williamstown Resident

I’d like to weigh in on the conversation about Workplace Flexibility. I’m hearing a lot of talk about workplace flexibility, but I’m yet to see the kind of transformational leadership that’s going to create great waves of change. And I think in all the talk we’re ignoring the crucial factor that’s holding us back from truly embracing Flexibility.

You see, right now Workplace Flexibility is seen as a way to ‘accommodate’ people who have ‘needs’ outside the workplace. It’s seen as an adjustment to allow for some constraint, rather than a choice to fuel a rich, diverse and meaningful life that includes work among other things. It’s as though companies are doing people a favour by allowing them to work less than 38 hours a week. And because of this, Workplace Flexibility is linked with the concept of less than. It’s less than ‘full time’. Less than 100%. Less than full capacity. Less than a complete commitment. And in many cases those who take up flexible work arrangements are seen (and made to feel) like they themselves are less than.

And so, if we really want to move the needle we must acknowledge that Workplace Flexibility needs a serious re-brand. Workplace Flexibility needs to move from being the initiative that ‘accommodates’ those ‘less than fully committed’ people who have other ‘responsibilities’ in life to the initiative that empowers people to grab life by the horns; that encourages people to cultivate and fully participate in rich and diverse lives, a small part of which is their paid employment.

This article is a passionate plea; a call to arms if you will, for the dormant leaders among us to step up and embrace the heart and spirit of true Leadership that once burned brightly within.

I'm talking to those among us who have forgotten their calling as trend setting, front running, ground breaking, trail blazing pioneers.

I'm talking to those who can recall a distant past when they were fueled by big ideas and pioneering spirits with bodies exuding vitality and energy, passion and pizzazz. Those who used to feel engaged at work and energized at home. Who believed that life was grand and the future bright. But ... who have ever so slowly found themselves stepping into line, marching to the beat of mass culture's drum, hypnotized by the monotony of the daily grind and ever more reliant on the increasing pay packet that now holds them hostage and symbolizes their success in life.

I'm speaking to those who have somehow found themselves with the title and responsibility of 'Leader' while lacking the heart and spirit of a true Leader. Who are no longer happy or even content with their work life, their home life and/or the legacy they are (not) leaving. Leaders who find themselves too busy checking emails, responding to phone messages, sitting in meetings (or traffic!) and re-structuring their teams to make the kind of difference they once dreamed of.

I'm talking to Leaders who find themselves tired and overweight, frustrated and short-tempered. For whom work is stressful and demanding and home is no escape. For whom life has become a hard slog.

But more importantly, I'm speaking to those who carry on like this because they believe it is simply the price of admission into senior 'Leadership' positions, the inevitable sacrifice in exchange for 'respect' and the pay packet that buys the nice house, the new car, the private school fees and the international holidays that have somehow become 'essential' items in the family budget. To Leaders who carry on this way because Everybody lives this way. Everybody is tired. Everybody is overweight. Everybody is frustrated. Everybody is stressed. Everybody is busy. Everybody spends more time at the office than with their family. Everybody complains about their wife and kids. Everybody answers emails on holiday. Everybody who wants to climb the corporate ladder does this. Everybody, Everybody, Everybody.

Well, here is some food for thought: If Everybody is doing it, it's NOT LEADERSHIP!

Think about it, if the most popular synonyms for 'Leader' include Pioneer; Front Runner; Innovator; Trailblazer; Pathfinder; Groundbreaker and Trendsetter then it's impossible to be a Leader if you're busy falling into line with everybody else.

It's impossible to be a Leader if you're too afraid to make the counter-cultural choices your soul longs for; if you continue to dress the same, talk the same, walk the same, think the same, work the same, earn the same, spend the same, drive the same, eat the same, drink the same and climb the same damn ladder as everybody around you, even when it's slowly killing you from the inside out.

So are you a LEADER? Pioneering new paths? Forging a counter-cultural life that nourishes your soul? Blazing new trails? Breaking new ground? Living a life that is fulfilling and aligned with your values and your hearts desires?

Or are you a Dormant Leader, busy following along with everybody else? Marching to the beat of your boss's drum, your parents expectations, society's norms. Your soul slowly dying, your family slipping from your grasp, your sense of joy long forgotten.

If this is you, then take this as a sign that it's time for you to step into the full expression of your Leadership. It's time for you to stop following everybody else and to start pioneering a new future.

**For personalized advice on how to fan the flame of your Leadership Spirit please and book a free Coaching Discovery Call.

Last week I read an article which outlined 6 things parents should discuss with their boys before they go out (presumably for a night on the town) including: ‘no means no’ and ‘hey, son, women are people too’.

The thing is this; whether our sons respect a female’s “no” or “stop” or treat her as equal, is determined by the time he is 5 years old, not 15! As parents if we plan to START these conversations during the teenage years, we’ve missed the boat.

The good news is that it’s simple to teach boys that ‘no means no’ and ‘women are people too’. The bad news is that it takes persistent parenting plus all the energy you can muster … and more! However, the reward - should you accept this challenge - is a son who, when he leaves the house at 15 has such deeply entrenched beliefs around ‘no means no’ and ‘women are people too’ that he would be hard pressed to behave in any other way.

So, how do we know whether we’re teaching our boys (and girls!) that ‘no means no’? Or whether we are inadvertently teaching them that they can ignore ‘no’ as long as they are more charming, sneaky, naggy, stronger, persistent, or louder that the person saying no?

Consider the following scenarios and add your own in the comments below:

(1) Your child is engaging in rough play with a sibling and the sibling starts to say ‘stop’ (in various forms – body language / facial expressions / different words). What do you do?

Do you allow your child to ignore their sibling’s pleas and carry on roughing them up? Therefore teaching both children that no is a meaningless suggestion they can ignore so long as they are physically able to carry on.

Or do you stop the rough play and teach your children how to recognise when someone is saying ‘no’ (in any number of ways) and how to respect that message? Therefore teaching both children that ‘no means no’; that when they say no, it has meaning and when they hear no, it has meaning.

(2) Or how about when you are playing with your child, particularly when wrestling, tickling or chasing. Often these games start with fun and laughter but what do you do when your child is laughing so hard that the words ‘stop’ can barely be made out?

Do you assume your child is still having fun (because they are still laughing), ignore their message and continue playing? Therefore teaching your child that their ‘no’ (and by inference that other people’s ‘no’) is a meaningless suggestion that can be ignored or overridden by someone bigger or stronger.

Or do you hear their message, stop and allow them to catch their breath? Therefore teaching them that their ‘no means no’. Perhaps even going one step further and verbalising for your child “we were playing and having a great time and then you said ‘stop’ so I stopped, even though you were still laughing.”

(3) And what about when asking our child to stop a certain behaviour. Once we’ve said ‘stop’ or ‘no’, do we stand by our word, refusing to accept the continued behaviour? Therefore teaching them that ‘no means no’?

Or do we cave in, defeated, and allow their undesirable behaviour to continue? Consequently teaching them that ‘no’ is an optional suggestion that can be ignored.

I am a BIG believer that if you give a child a directive (yes, no, stop, now, later etc) you must follow through. And if you’re not going to follow through it’s best not to say anything in the first place.

(4) And in the reverse, when we ask our children to do something such as cleaning up their toys, turning off the TV, doing homework, instrument or sport practice. Does our word hold any weight?

When we ask them to do something do we mean it, and do we stand by our word, persisting until they cooperate with our request? Therefore teaching them that words carry weight and ‘no means no’.

Or do we allow our kids to ignore our requests, again teaching them that words are meaningless and can be ignored?

These are just 4 every-day examples where ‘no means no’ and ‘women are people too’ (or the opposite!) are being etched in our children’s psyche and reinforced over, and over, and over, and over.

The ‘women are people too’ bit comes into play especially when mothers and female siblings allow themselves to be constantly ignored, over-ridden or disrespected by male children who have discovered how to get their own way. Case in point; when left to their own devices my 3 year old son is already capable of overpowering his 5 year old sister and delights in doing so! I have my job cut out for me teaching him that ‘no means no’ and ‘women are people too’ as well as teaching my daughter that her ‘no’ is worthy of respect and what to do if it’s ignored. And I'm starting NOW.

So, what beliefs will be etched into the psyche of your kids? Will it be that ‘no means no’? Or will it be that they can ignore ‘no’ or ‘stop’ or disrespect a woman’s directives and requests as long as they are more charming, sneaky, naggy, stronger, persistent, or louder that the woman saying no?

In closing let me clarify; I’m not saying it’s EASY to parent this way, in fact at times it feels HARD and relentless! But it’s our commitment as parents to teach this message from toddler-hood on wards that will stop our boys from disrespecting and overpowering women (and our girls from being disrespected and overpowered!), not a little conversation as they’re walking out the door at 15.

Today is Inspiration Day at my daughter’s school. The children have dressed up as a person who inspires them. My daughter chose to go as a swimming lesson teacher. At lunch time today the school is hosting a community BBQ and has asked parents to dress up as a person who inspires them. And that got me thinking; “WHO inspires me”? And the more important question of “HOW do I dress up as that person”? Do they have enough of a trademark look or a signature move or something that would tip people off to who I have come as? Or will I need to repeatedly explain who I have dressed up as?

And then of course, being a business woman, I got thinking about personal branding. With the internet fueling a global economy and smashing down barriers to entry in so many industries, the market is becoming flooded with brands. In the past there were fewer brands each with higher brand recognition and a posse of loyal followers. Today the market is flooded with brands and it’s harder to stand out and gain a loyal fan base. In such an environment personal branding; the ability for people to INSTANTLY recognise you and what you stand for, has become the Holy Grail.

So here’s my question for you: if someone were dressing up as YOU on Inspiration Day, what distinguishing feature could they portray that others would recognise as yours? Do you have such a feature? Or are you just another bland brand blurring into the sea of sameness, indistinguishable and easily forgotten, yet at the same time wondering why you can’t find clients or charge what you’re worth?

To stand out can be uncomfortable because it means being different. And not just a little bit different but wildly different. SO different and SO unique that someone could easily portray you on Inspiration Day without being asked ‘oh, who have you come as?’

Think Lady Gaga, Donald Trump, Michael Jackson, Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. Like them or not, there is something about each of them that sets them apart and makes them a powerfully recognisable brand. It’s also worth noting that the very features that make them recognisable are the same features they are mocked and ridiculed for by their haters.

So, back to you! What is it about you that is wildly different enough to set you apart and make you recognisable to your market? Assuming you WANT to be recognisable, at least to your own tribe? And if the answer is YES, the next and more important question is “are you willing to go out on a limb and in one fell swoop create something about yourself that will both set you apart and drive up your follower-ship AND provide your haters with fodder to ridicule and mock you?” Because these are of course two sides of the one coin, they are the light and shade, the contrast, the price of admission to standing out and making a difference in this world.

But if you do the work, perhaps I can dress up as you at next year’s Inspiration Day?

As entrepreneurs we all set minimum financial and growth targets. But have you ever set a maximum target?

The question alone is enough to throw most entrepreneurs into a panic! A maximum growth target!? WTF!? Why would I curb my growth? Why would I pass up on the 'opportunity' to take on extra projects or ventures when they come my way? That's nuts.

And I get it! That was my first response. But after trying it I'm convinced it's not so nuts after all.

You see, at some stage we (AKA: high-growth entrepreneurs) must face up to the fact that as a bunch of high-performing, over-achieving, adrenaline junkies who get off on growing our businesses, we are insatiable.

We gladly pour hour after hour into our businesses, addicted to growth and seizing every new opportunity. It's one of our greatest strengths. But, if left unchecked it can become our greatest downfall. When we indulge our insatiable desires for growth and achievement we end up with very un-balanced, un-sustainable and un-stable lives that ride the euphoric highs and depressing lows of the roller coaster called business.

I mean how many of us use our businesses as vehicles for generating financial freedom; and as our escape from reality when the going gets tough in our personal life; and as our social outlet, since it's really only other entrepreneurs who truly 'get' us; and as our legacy and contribution. So when business is great, life is great. But when business is shit, our friends & families know to back away slowly, hands in the surrender position, lest they get their heads bitten off!

Sure this 'all-in' mentality streamlines our lives but at the same time it poses a huge risk. Why? Because we end up putting all our eggs in one basket and we get cut off from the rich diversity of experience the world offers. We focus everything we have on our businesses and we get lazy cultivating a life beyond business (yes, there is such a thing!). In fact many of us have been conditioned that it's best if the whole lot is 'integrated' anyway. That business = life & life = business. And that's when the roller coaster ride starts.

But what happens if we start to put limits and boundaries around our businesses? If we start to establish maximum targets as well as minimums? If we start to define on paper when enough is enough? If we start to cultivate a rich and meaningful life beyond business.

I'll tell you what happens ... for a start that elusive thing called success becomes palpable! A reality rather than a dream. Something you live rather than something you chase. All of a sudden, you inhabit the sense of accomplishment and completion and fulfillment you'd been striving for. You develop a rich and diverse life full of beautiful relationships, interesting hobbies, self-nourishment and contribution beyond your business. When you set your upper limits, you make a conscious choice to get off the roller coaster ride! So when business is great, life is amazing. And when business is shit, life is STILL amazing!

So ... fellow entrepreneurs ... This article is your wake up call to diversify!! To set your upper limits. To decide ahead of time when enough is enough, because when left to your own devices there is no enough!! But there is beauty beyond business. Now is your time to cultivate a rich and diverse life beyond business!

I did, and it was the BEST decision of my life!

I've just started doing something that has radically reduced the amount of time I spend 'culling' things in my virtual and physical world. I'm mean I'm saving HOURS a week!

How many times do you look at the emails in your inbox and think 'holy s*&t...how did I end up with 1249 unread emails in my inbox!!??'

Or you're about to capture a special moment on your iPhone camera but your phone tells you that you can't take another pic until you've freed up some space?

Perhaps the last time you jammed your new jeans into your wardrobe you realised that you're WAY overdue for a clean out but you just don't have the time right now?

Well... I have something for you to try! This came to me in a flash of brilliance as I was told by my phone last week that I couldn't take any more photo's until I freed up some space on my hard drive.

Normally I would go through every single photo and decide which ones to delete. In the past this could have occupied me for a good couple of hours, which is why I always put the job off. BUT... this time, I decided to do something different and I was done and taking photo's again within MINUTES!

Instead of choosing what to DELETE... I chose what to KEEP. It's a simple yet significant change in mind-set.

I used the 'select all' feature on my phone to select every single photo in my gallery and I worked on the assumption that they were ALL GOING. Then rather than choosing individual pictures to delete, I scrolled quickly through my gallery and 'un-selected' the keep-worthy photo's. They stood out like a sore thumb among the hundreds of junk photo's that I hadn't bothered deleting as I went.

Within about 2 minutes I'd selected the 30-50 keep-worthy photos and I'd swiftly deleted everything else that was left in the gallery, with a single tap of the finger. G.E.N.I.U.S !!

Given the amount of junk most of us have cluttering our inboxes, wardrobes, cupboards, phones, computer drives etc the keep-worthy items really do stick out like diamonds in the rough.

Without realising it, this is also the approach I took recently when de-cluttering my entire home. Our family recently moved around 70kms up the highway. In the past it's taken 5 or 6 trips in the moving truck to shift all our belongings from one home to another. This time it took HALF a moving truck and everything was in. How? Well, in the weeks leading up to the move I looked around the house and chose what to KEEP... everything else was sold or donated. Just like I had with my photo's, I worked on the assumption that everything was out the door unless it was hand chosen to stay. Turns out we had 5.5 truck loads of stuff simply cluttering our space!!

Since moving we've replaced a few key items; our dining table, a couple of lounge chairs, a bunk for the kids but that's about it.

I'm now saving HOURS a week in tidying, cleaning, sorting and tossing out the junk that's cluttering our virtual and physical spaces.

Why not give it a go today and see how much time you can save?

A friend of mine just received a prestigious award for making a significant contribution to his industry. Being very proud of him I was quick to offer my congratulations. It wasn’t until minutes later that I thought to congratulate his wife as well! Why?

If you’ve read my recent posts you’ll know I’ve been questioning why we expect ourselves to juggle so many different & demanding roles all at the same time. And I wonder if this has something to do with it…

To what degree do we consider families as ‘teams’, where the contribution and success of one is the collective contribution and success of all? Or are we more individualistic, where married couples continue to pursue their individual goals from under the same roof, without considering the greater good?

I think many marriages consist of two people living individual lives, under the same roof. We cling tightly to our own goals and pursuits and any compromise is an exhausting negotiation viewed through the lens of ‘MY’… MY career vs your career, MY income vs your income, MY contribution vs your contribution, MY free time vs your free time, My turn to pick up the kids vs your turn to pick up the kids.

In this scenario it is difficult to decide who will take on the primary responsibility for nurturing and strengthening the family because both parties focus on the sacrifice and the feeling of anxiety that arises at the thought of 'giving up'. Because of this many parents carry on focusing on their goals and introduce the word ‘juggle’ to describe how the practicalities of children fit into their life.

But what if we changed the conversation? And instead of focusing on ME and MY, what if we focus on OUR? OUR family, OUR children, OUR career/business, OUR income, OUR contribution, OUR award?

What if we put everything on the table and decided as a family what an awesome QUALITY of life would be. What if we decided how we wanted to FEEL each day…hectic and rushed, busy and wired or calm and peaceful, happy and joyful? What if we decided what level of well-being we wanted to maintain as a family? What if we created sacred boundaries to nurture and strengthen our family i.e. daily family meals together, weekly date night, work and mobile free weekends.

What if, piece by piece, we created our ideal life? And then decided how we could each contribute our time, talents, energy, focus and attention to create that life and make it a daily reality.

You may have heard the term ‘nuclear family’, which describes a couple and their dependent children. Most of us are part of a core family unit, but do we value our family as a nucleus? As the centre and core of our lifestyle? As OUR team? Or have ‘work and money’ become our nucleus and ‘family’ the beggar, taking the scraps of time and energy that are left after we’ve given our A game at work or in business?

Was taking a quick look online tonight at how many people are searching for 'how do I juggle kids, work and study'. Found an interesting article about a single mum of 4 kids who works full time, is doing her Masters in Criminology, coaches her kids sports teams, teaches ballet in her daughters school etc etc etc. A typical over-achiever and I can relate 100%. Reads very much like my own resume.

She provides 7 points for balancing it all and believes with good time management it can be done.

I got to point 6 of 7 and read this: "I can learn quite quickly and I've worked out that my best study time is when the kids are asleep. I can be up to 3am and run like that for a certain period – two or three weeks out of a semester to get all my assignments done. The fact I can function on ridiculously low amounts of sleep, for certain periods, probably allows me to do so much."

I can ABSOLUTELY see myself in this statement. I TRULY believed I could work until 3am, be up again at 6 or 7am with kids, cram lots of QUANTITY into my life and still be productive and have energy to burn.

It wasn't until I read some stuff about being 'MANIC', which referenced the feeling of being completely energized and being able to operate on unusually little sleep that it clicked for me. I was addicted to living on very little sleep and running on ADRENALIN and CORTISOL. I was praised and admired from near and far for being able to juggle it all. And so that reinforced my lifestyle. Of course some people tried to question my logic in living this way but I flat out ignored them! What did THEY know??

But in reality very few of us, if any, are able to operate at our optimal levels when trying to 'function on ridiculously low amounts of sleep' and with adrenaline and cortisol pumping through our bodies! We are not designed to live like this.

As I've been discussing with so many people lately, it's not that we're not CAPABLE of doing it. Of course, we CAN do it, there are entrepreneurs and high achievers all over the world proving it can be done. Heck for the last 4 years I have proven that it can be done. But SO MUCH research points to the fact that living this way comes at a cost. We cannot perform at optimal levels living on 'ridiculously low levels of sleep' and flooding our bodies with stress hormones. Some research has even found that driving sleep deprived has a similar impact to driving over .05.

It's only a matter of time before it all catches up with us and we burn out physically or emotionally or both, slip into a micro sleep and drive into a tree, miss the last opportunity to lose ourselves in play for hours with our kids until we realise they're all grown up with kids of their own...

My recent personal growth is leading me to the conclusion that

(1) of course it CAN be done

(2) of course we are CAPABLE of doing it all

(3) We are not DESIGNED to live this way

(4) Eventually it will catch up with us by way of failed health, failed relationships, failed marriages, emotional or mental breakdown, financial ruin or some other very tangible CONSEQUENCE.

Life is for living ... YES! But how are we defining LIVING? Are we simply focused on productivity, achievement, busy-ness, quantity? Where does QUALITY come in?

What would happen if we started doing LESS and enjoying it MORE. If we took smaller more manageable steps towards our goals? If we spaced our big goals out over 5 years instead of 1? Created time in our lives to truly bask in moments of joy. Developing DEPTH in our relationships. Having FEWER friends who we connect with MORE OFTEN in a more meaningful & authentic way?

I used to LOVE sayings like 'why walk when you can run' or 'I'll sleep when I'm dead' or 'do WHATEVER it takes' (rah, rah, rah, high 5) and now I can see the value in walking sometimes. For a start you can see details you miss when flying by in a sprint, so your decision making is HEAPS better. You have time to reflect so you learn FASTER. You have time to QUESTION the way you're living and EVALUATING whether it's working or not so you don't get sucked into great marketing and consumerism because you're CONTENT and CALM and THOUGHTFUL and FOCUSED!

ahhhhhhh....... you can BREATHE! Try it. It's lovely :)

Having developed a new perspective on life balance I do think twice now when quotes like this show up:

"Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.” — Anonymous

Why? Because in my experience as an Entrepreneur, there is NO END POINT! What do I mean by that? Well, my observation, consistent with research on the topic, is that nascent entrepreneurs are highly susceptible to becoming obsessed with their business. We prefer to call it ‘Passion’ of course. We think, talk, walk and breathe our business 24/7. As far as our business is concerned we are insatiable. And since our business will take as much time, money and effort as we’re willing to give its really easy to let our business define us, drive us, absorb us, engulf us.

If you are an entrepreneur and you’re not sure you agree with this idea just think about the last time you spent one whole day ... just ONE ... without thinking about or working on your business? Yes, even a little tiny sneak at your email counts!!

Not only are we obsessed but we are proud of our obsession, we believe it is a sign of true commitment, dedication and entrepreneurship. I can almost guarantee that if you converse with a nascent entrepreneur in any context you’ll end up hearing about their business within minutes! And because this obsessive behaviour is upheld as the ideal for emerging entrepreneurs, and because many of us are also high-achievers who will ‘do whatever it takes’, we buy into this lifestyle 100%, we celebrate it, we bond over it (at 1am when we’re still up working!), we see it as an integral part of our identity, it distinguishes us from the ‘most people’ mentioned in the opening quote.

As high achievers with natural obsessive tendencies this all-encompassing behaviour easily becomes a way of life. And this is where the opening quote falls down in my opinion!

It encourages entrepreneurs to live unsustainable lives indefinitely. It makes us forget that we’ll likely be alive for decades and we don’t need to cram our entire life work into a 3 year plan. It keeps us frantic and manic and wired. It encourages us to forgo daily balance and well-being in exchange for a future reality that will never actually arrive! Why won’t it arrive? Because when we achieve our original goal (that one ‘most people’ will never achieve) we simply set our sights higher and carry on at the same pace. We find ourselves inspired by a new vision, we are offered a new opportunity, we see a new potential and we go for it, being cheered on by the pack. Like I said as an entrepreneur there is NO END POINT!

And for this reason we must learn to approach entrepreneurship from a much more sustainable perspective. We must learn to value a full night's sleep, daily quality time with our children and spouse (without a smartphone in reach!), daily time spent exercising, engaging in nourishing hobbies, and learning to balance our high energy and drive with periods of calm, peace and contentment. Instead of bragging about working until 1am and getting up at 5am, perhaps we should aim for a 9pm bedtime and a 5am start? To show ourselves some respect and to take care of the one body we'll have for a lifetime!

Right now we’re sprinting over a marathon distance, and we wonder why we are burning out, getting divorced and accruing huge debt.

As Entrepreneurs it’s time that we walked and not ran, it’s time that we sleep while we’re alive and not wait until we’re dead, it’s time we recognise that our work is never done, our business will take as much as we’re willing to give and WE are the only ones who can establish boundaries around that.

Being obsessed by your business does NOT define you as an entrepreneur. You do not have to buy in to the 'all or nothing', 'run don't walk', 'sleep when you die', 'whatever it takes' philosophy. You have choices! As an entrepreneur you get to create your own life! You get to create your own boundaries and your own balance.

As I've just learnt in my Psychology degree: just because everyone is doing something, doesn't make it effective!

To your sustainable success fellow entrepreneurs

xx

Exciting Announcement: I am retiring as Super Woman!

And I apologize to all those who have looked up to me as an example of successfully 'having it all'. Because guess what.... its an ILLUSION and a FALSE ECONOMY! And it comes at too great a cost to me, my marriage, my children & my community. And yours too!!

Modern society is SO conditioned to women having the right, the freedom & the choice to 'have it all' that we have completely lost sight of & de-valued focusing on JUST ONE THING at a time; be it career, business, parenting, studying or something else. JUST ONE of these things is worth our full attention and the ability to focus our attention is a very joyful & fulfilling experience (one that is under-valued in todays fast paced, wired, multi-tasking world!).

Yet women have been led to believe we can and should pursue it all at once. In fact we've been led to believe its our RIGHT to have it all at once. Really... is it? Who says? Because from someone who's given it a darn good crack it seems like a recipe for burnout, anxiety, depression, failed marriage and not doing ANY of it justice! I think the women who fought for our freedom would be horrified to know that we've taken our freedom to choose ANY ONE of these pursuits and used it as a ball & chain to try and HAVE IT ALL at once.

And those who dare to question whether the current system of 'having it all' is really working for women & their families are met with outrage! How dare we suggest that women are not capable of being & having it all at once. What a ludicrous & antiquated suggestion!! How 1950's to suggest that a woman focus on just one thing (despite the joy that can be found in doing so if we truly give it a chance)!! How dare anyone suggest that women prioritise or compromise!

Well guess what.... of course we are capable of having it all at once BUT AT WHAT COST ladies? Our time & energy are FINITE so of course we must prioritize & compromise. That is not an outrageous suggestion, its simply reality & i've found that living with a good grasp on reality is liberating!

I know from recent conversations with other high-achieving, intelligent & ambitious women that I am not the only one calling Bullshit on 'having it all' at once.

Raising children & doing it justice is a FULL TIME COMMITMENT. Launching a business & doing it justice

is a FULL TIME COMMITMENT. Working in a demanding professional career is a FULL TIME COMMITMENT. Yet so many women I know, including me, try & do it all plus more! And society cheers us on while we grind ourselves further and further into the ground proving that we can do & have it all at once.

There is a huge awakening happening right now and I hope it will result in more women feeling valued, respected & fulfilled in doing ONE THING and doing it really freakin well & with some time & energy leftover (imagine that!) just to BE and to enJOY life WITHOUT running themselves ragged trying to have it all at once.

Cheers to your joy & freedom ladies

Have You Started More Than 1 Business This Year?

Do People Ever Comment That They Can't Keep Up With What You're Working On?

Do You Struggle To Narrow Down Your Job Title On LinkedIn Because You Have So Many Job Titles?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions... then you'll relate to what I'm about to share.

Recently I had one of my biggest realisations of the last 10 years...

It was late, I was sitting on the couch with my husband and I was telling him about a great new program for mum's returning to work, that I planned to launch when it hit me fair in the guts... I am an addict.

Kapow! The realisation winded me. I didn't just have 'high energy', 'lots of ideas' and 'determination'...I had an addiction!

And I had a decision to make. I could ignore it and carry on, pretending not to see the collateral damage around me - in my health, my family, my friendships, my finances. Or I could admit it. Come clean. Start the process of breaking the habit that had become so ingrained it was now automatic and irresistible.

I knew almost instantly that I had to come clean. The words tumbled out of my mouth almost of their own accord; 'I am addicted to this... this is an addiction...an actual addiction'. And as they did, I felt almost instant relief. Relief because I knew they was true. Relief because my husband knew they was true. Relief because now that I'd admitted it, I could deal with it.

I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol, food or exercise, gambling or pornography. My addiction was Business Start Ups.

Now I know what you're probably thinking. That an addiction to Business Start Up's is the most ridiculous thing you're heard this year. And that's exactly why it had never occurred to me before that it was an addiction.

You see, I thought my behaviour was just normal 'entrepreneurial' behaviour. But it's wasn't. It's not normal or healthy to be constantly running this way and that, fueled by adrenaline, and chasing opportunity after opportunity but rarely seeing them through to completion.

In my moment of realisation it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could see what I'd never been able to see before.

I could see that my compulsive 'serial entrepreneurialism' was not entrepreneurial at all. It was addiction. I was addicted to the Start Up phase of new business ventures. The thrill of a new, exciting idea. The late nights working on strategy, building web pages, developing marketing materials, identifying my perfect prospect. The adrenaline rush that came with risk taking. The admiration and attention I got when I spoke to people about my vision for this new business and that new business. The energy I felt when I made the first sale, and the second, the third... Then just as the shine and gloss started to fade, I'd be off an running again with another Business Start Up.

Wow oh wow. It was so blindingly obvious but I'd never seen it before. I was an addict and my drug of choice was so innocuous it was a cinch to cover up. So easy to pass myself off as just an enthusiastic, high energy, determined, action oriented entrepreneur with a big difference to make in this world.

Now, fortunately (or unfortunately...depends how you want to look at it) I have the advantage of having overcome several, more traditional addictions in the past (that's a whole other story!) so my ability to break addictions and compulsive behaviour is quite well developed now. To the point that now once I become aware of and acknowledge addictive or compulsive behaviour I can start breaking the cycle.

So, next I had to start changing my compulsive behaviours and replacing them with new, more focused and productive behaviours. Becoming hyper-vigilant for a time, monitoring my thoughts and disciplining myself not to invest time, energy or finances into every great new idea that surfaces. I was so programmed to see the business potential in every new idea that it took some practice but from now on I take the advice of my mentor Jack Delosa and I 'focus, focus, focus'.

I've started a Business Ideas Journal & VIsion Board so I can record all of my thoughts & ideas for review at a later date, once my current business is completely systemised and working without me. But for the immediate future I am sticking with one business and that's it. And I must say I feel like a tonne has been lifted off my shoulders. A tonne I never knew I was carrying. What a blessed relief!

So how about you? Are you addicted to the Start Up phase of business? Take a deep breath and be really honest with yourself here!

Are you an enthusiastic, high energy, determined, action oriented entrepreneur with a big difference to make in this world. A difference you're trying to make with one business here, another business there, and yet another over there. Or...are you an addict?

If you're open and willing to see it for what it is; if you're willing to stay focused on ONE business until that business is fully systemised and working without you THEN and only then will you have the privilege of making your difference in the world.

So there you have it. One of my biggest realisations of the last 10 years and if I can prompt even one other Start Up Addict to re-think their ways this blog post will have been worth it!

And if it's not Business Start Ups, which other seemingly innocent behaviours are distracting you from the main game?

To Your Energy & Pleasure

Kristie McMaster

This year I have been asked to coach more people than ever before. I'm working with many of my clients to find work or business that fulfills them personally and professionally and enables them to live the life they love...intentionally.

And I've noticed something similar about all of my clients. Do you want to know what it is?

I've noticed that the first thing my clients say to me is:

'It's great that you're so passionate about your life Kristie. But here's the thing... I don't know what I want! I have no idea what I want to do, be or have. I wouldn't even know where to start'.

Have you ever heard yourself saying this?

It's great to talk about 'living the life you love' but for many people they have no idea what that is! Perhaps you can relate to this?

My passion and enthusiasm for life and work is palpable and most people assume I've always been this way; that I was born with the magical gift of knowing what I want in life. But, it's not true. Yes, I have always been passionate and enthusiastic but I haven't always known exactly what I want. And as a result I ended up with a bunch of situations I didn't want.

So, whats the good news for you then?

Well, the good news is that not knowing what you want is the perfect starting place for discovering what you want! Because before I knew what I wanted...I didn't!

Everyone starts somewhere and where you are now does NOT have to be the status quo moving forward. Before you knew what you wanted...you didn't! And that's ok. That's just your starting point. But it doesn't have to be your end point.

As I'm working with my coaching clients I see them get clearer and clearer with each passing week about what they want: in work and in life. And with each passing week they report feeling happier, more fulfilled and more energized. As they start to discover what they want, it's having a ripple effect on their lives and their relationships.

And do you want to know the really cool thing I've discovered?

Once you know what you want...getting it is the easy(er) part!!

Putting the time and energy into discovering what you want is the hardest part. Most people don't end up with the life they love, not because they can't make it happen, but because they simply don't do the work to discover what they want.

So...why my blog post today? Well, I wanted to encourage you that in my experience, not knowing what you want is a normal starting point. So if that's you...don't worry! You're normal!

But on the other hand... do you want to stay just normal? Just average? I sure as hell don't and I suspect it would be a waste of your potential to stay normal and average!

The reason I am so passionate and driven, the reason I'm living a life I love, the reason I'm getting the results I am, is because I made a decision. I decided to be intentional about my life. To discover what I wanted from life. I decided to do the work. I decided to try and fail at many things until I struck gold. And now I get to reap the rewards. The rewards of an amazing family life. Of a dynamic and impactful business life where I get to fulfill my personal mission every day. Of a life full of energy and enthusiasm. A life full of love. A life I love....created intentionally!

So, if you've ever found yourself thinking 'I don't know what I want'. Then perhaps now is the perfect time to start finding out!! Because before you knew what you wanted... you didn't!

And if you want some support to get you started then why not join my other clients who are having great win's in this area. Let me work with you and together we can start to uncover your hidden desires and draw your energy, passion and enthusiasm to the surface and beyond! To get started simply book a complementary 30 minute call with me here: https://www.timetrade.com/book/QJXBL.

To Your Energy & Pleasure

How many of you LOVE your work and feel energized by it? And how many of you feel TRAPPED in work that's sucking your energy?Have to ever stopped to ask what IMPACT this has on your loved ones?

If you love your work, that's awesome and I congratulate you because you've obviously invested the time and energy to find something you love. Even so, I'd encourage you to ask your loved ones what impact your love for your work has on them. You might find it has a very positive impact on them, in which case it's very useful to know what's working. Or perhaps not so much if it means they're left on their own more than they'd like or they're only ever getting half your attention when you're with them because you're always thinking about work. Either way, it can't hurt to ask, right?

And, if you feel trapped in your job and it's draining your energy I really hope today's blog post will give you the prompt you need to reflect on the impact it has on you, ask your loved ones what impact it has on them and if necessary start to re-think your position and plan for an escape!

Call me crazy but I've always loved working and whenever I stop loving my work I quickly re-position myself. I'm not afraid to pick up sticks and move to something else when the love fades. I do this because I know how much energy I have when I'm engaged in work I love and that amazing energy flows on to the rest of my life and to those around me. Perhaps you've experienced this too?

And on the flip side, I know how quickly my energy drains when I'm engaged in work (or a work environment) I dislike, and I know for sure that this negative energy flows into the rest of my life too. I'm grumpier, have a shorter fuse, get sick more often, and am generally more lethargic and demotivated (my husband will back me up on this...just ask him!!).

When was the last time you reflected on the impact of your work on your energy or asked your loved ones what impact it has on them when you're engaged in work that energizes you compared to work that drains & depletes you? You might find their feedback interesting!

Another reason I move on when the love fades is thanks to one of my early experiences in HR, which involved retrenching a lot of loyal and dedicated staff. Through this experience I got to see firsthand how important it is to work for love and not just money.

Of those who were retrenched, the people who were working for the love of it were terribly upset but not resentful. They quickly found new opportunities to do the work they love and they retained positive memories about their time with the company. I believe this is because they'd been getting as much personal fulfillment and satisfaction out of their work life as they'd been giving.

But those who weren't loving their work, who'd been working for the money, who'd sacrificed their personal life and poured their heart and soul into the business out of loyalty and dedication...these were the people who were the most resentful. They approached the whole situation with a far more negative attitude, which was underpinned by resentment. And as an experienced recruiter I can tell you this comes across loud and clear to prospective employers and makes it difficult to find new opportunities. Now, I could be wrong but I believe they responded in this way because they knew deep down that they didn't enjoy their job, they knew they weren't fulfilled or satisfied by their work, but they hadn't taken responsibility for that and moved on. They'd stayed because it was easy to stay, they'd stayed because they were very well paid, and they gave of themselves out of obligation rather than out of love.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, I urge you to call a spade a spade, acknowledge how you're feeling and be willing to make the tough decisions rather than staying just because it's easy, because you're well paid or out of obligation. You might not be able to leave tomorrow, but what I'm saying is start plotting your escape route BEFORE you ooze negative energy and resentment in your job interviews! It might be a 3 month plan, a 6 month plan or even a 12-24 month plan if you need to re-skill but for the love of life...have a plan! Life is too damn short to waste in a job you hate that drains your energy.

Ever since this experience as a young HR professional I have always been very deliberate about working for the love of it and you can be guaranteed that if I'm working on a project or a business, it's because it's something I love doing; it's something I can engage with 100% and you'll be hard pressed to find someone more committed, energized and enthusiastic! And this flows through to my personal life too and makes life in general a whole lot more pleasant and enjoyable for me and everyone around me! Is it the same for you too?

The reason I'm blogging about this topic now is because it has been highlighted for me again in recent months. You see, in Oct/Nov last year I sold my two businesses. Why? Surely you know the answer to that question by now...I sold them because the love was fading. My businesses were starting to drain my energy rather than energize me and that's always my signal to analyse my situation. What started out as a labour of love, had turned into a labour for money and as you know, that's not how I roll.

I knew I was ready to move on to a new challenge and I knew exactly what that would be: Training, Facilitation & Coaching. I wanted to teach others how to be world-class trainers, speakers, facilitators and presenters because this is a skill I have been actively developing over the last 15+ years and I feel I have a lot to share that would really help others in this area. I'm super passionate about helping others step up and overcome their fear of public speaking or give them coaching and training if it's lack of skills rather than fear holding them back.

As some of you know I went to Thailand in December when I was 6 months pregnant (only 5 weeks to go now!) and was going at 100% for about 20 hours a day for 5 days straight! Yes, you read that correctly. At 6 months pregnant I was operating on about 4 hours sleep a night, for 5 days straight and for the other 20 hours I was gunning it at 100%. Why??? Because I was so filled with energy from doing something I loved. THIS is what is possible when you engage in work you love. And THAT's why I knew my time had come to focus on Training & Facilitation...because that was the focus of my trip to Thailand.

In contrast, since selling my businesses I have chosen to spend more time than usual at home with my beautiful 2 year old daughter. Soon she will have a brother contending for my attention and I wanted to enjoy some time just the two of us first. So I cut down on my working hours and spent 3-4 days a week at home with Paige. It was lovely for the first few weeks but then I quickly noticed the tell tale change in my energy. When I'm engaged in work I love I can spend hours and hours, day after day going flat out, and still have energy left at the end of the day. I love it. I thrive on it. Yet, in my role as a stay at home mum I get to about lunch time and start counting the hours until my husband will be home to lend a hand and play with Paige. And my wonderfully honest husband tells me that he notices a significant difference in me on the days I'm at home with Paige compared to the days I've been at work. According to him I'm grumpier, more tired and a little shorter with Paige if she's testing the boundaries. Not great is it!

Now I don't say this to highlight my deficiencies as a stay at home mother, but to let you know that I too have to constantly assess my energy and make the tough decisions about 'where to next'. You see, I can either continue to stay at home with Paige because I feel I 'should' or to save money on childcare or to avoid feeling guilty OR I can call a spade a spade and recognise that I am far happier and more energized when I'm doing work I love, compared to when I stay at home with Paige all day every day playing kiddy games, hanging out at the park, having tea parties etc. I can hack that for a couple of days a week but that's about it. Some people are cut out for that and are energized by being stay at home parents. They couldn't imagine going back to paid employment because that is the thing that drains them and makes them grumpy! And if that's the case then they should absolutely do whatever they can to be a stay at home parent as much as possible. But ... not me, I'm wired differently. It's the stay at home gig that drains me and I'm not afraid to admit it to myself.

Because the beauty of being honest about it and owning it is that we can do something about it. So... I have decided to increase my work hours and get my training business pumping sooner than I'd thought and in return the time Paige & I spend together is wonderful. Paige gets a far happier, more energized and enthusiastic mother who is happy to give her my undivided attention rather than a grumpy, tired, demotivated and distracted mother. She also gets to spend time on the other days with a dedicated Nanny who loves playing with her and engaging in all sorts of kiddy games and activities. I get to provide employment for our Nanny, which benefits her family. And my husband gets a happier, more energized and positive wife! It's a Win:Win:Win:Win:Win!! Paige wins, Rob wins, Paige's Nanny & her family wins, I win and all the people who I help with their training & presenting skills win! Can't get much better than that :+)

So, my question for you is... where are you at?

Are you engaged in work that energizes you; work that you love? If so, what impact does that have on you and your loved ones? What's working? What's not working? What could be tweaked to make things even better for you and your loved ones?

Or are you engaged in work that drains you; work you dislike; or a work environment that drags you down? And if so, what impact does that have on you and your loved ones? Is anything about it working for you? If so, what? What's not working? Are you willing to start plotting your exit? What time frame would work for you? What solid steps can you take to improve your situation in the short, medium and long term?

I'll leave things here for today and I hope you have found today's blog thought provoking but more importantly I hope it prompts you to reflect on what's working and what's not about your current work situation, both for you and your loved ones.

Please share your thoughts and comments below. I'd love to know your thoughts on this topic.

To your Energy & Pleasure

Kristie McMaster

How many of you are familiar with the Nike slogan 'Just Do It?' Probably most of you.

Well, that slogan has taken on a very personal meaning for me lately. You see, as a recovered perfectionist I had a habit of sitting on things until they were perfect. Whether it was:

Writing an email that should have taken 10-20 seconds but actually took 10-20 minutes because I was mulling over the exact words to use;Re-writing a blog post 10 times before being comfortable posting it; Not wanting to play the flute or piano in front of anyone while I was still learning because I wasn't perfect yet;Not making those business development calls because I wasn't sure whether I could nail it yet;Not marketing a new training program I could deliver because I hadn't perfected it yet;Continuing to learn, learn, learn without doing or implementing anything because I didn't think I was good enough / knew enough / had enough to implement yet....

Can anyone relate to this?

And when I did finally release something, I'd always be my own harshest critic and make excuses for why it wasn't perfect yet...just so I could get in before anyone else had a chance to criticize me.

And if anyone did criticize me, or even just point out a mistake or a better way of doing something, I'd always take it to heart. I'd toss it over and over and over in my mind, especially if I'd made a mistake. Because making a mistake is the WORST thing in the world...isn't it!!??

Well, actually NO, it's not!

One saying I learnt last year that I really love is: 'sloppy success is better than perfect mediocrity'! This especially applies in business. If you wait until everything is perfect before you do anything about it, you'll never truly achieve success because you won't ever DO anything. You won't have a product or a service to release because it'll never be perfect enough to see the light of day.

In the last few years I have sought out some truly incredible and inspiring mentors and one thing that has stuck out about them is that they are not perfect...and they don't need to be perfect to be successful!

In fact at the moment I am doing an online course about writing a Kindle book. The guy who has put the course together is a very successful internet marketer. He is well known in his field, he has written several successful books himself. And guess what... his online course is FULL OF MISTAKES! Yet... it is still extremely valuable to me. It is still getting me the results I want. The mistakes have not reduced the effectiveness or the value of the course to me.

And his identity is clearly not wrapped up in his work being perfect. Instead he knows he has valuable information to share with others and he's just getting it out there. He's Just Doing It! And his students are benefiting from it.

It's encouraged me to just finish my book and get it out there. It doesn't matter if it's not perfect. I can improve it over time. It doesn't matter if there are mistakes in it, I can fix them up later. What does matter is that I have valuable information that will help others and the longer I sit on it the longer they miss out. But, the sooner I get my book out there, the sooner they can benefit and I really don't think they'll mind if it's not absolutely perfect, as long as it gets them the results they want.

It's the same with the skills I have as a trainer and presenter. I could be using my skills to help hundreds of people who hate giving presentations, who are terrified about delivering training, become confident and competent trainers and presenters. But I haven't released a program yet because it's not perfect. Well... I'm not going to let that hold me back any longer! It's time for me to use my training and presenting skills to help others improve in this area and I have no doubt that my training will be valuable to others, even if it's not perfect.

So, I'd like to ask you...

What are you sitting on at the moment that might not be perfect but will really help people when you get it out there? Does it really need to be perfect or is that just your ego not wanting to be seen as imperfect or not wanting to be criticized?Are you willing to take a leap of faith and 'Just Do It'? Just get it out there, in its imperfect form, and improve it on the run?

The Universe has hit me over and over again in the last year with irrefutable evidence that my products and services do not have to be perfect to be valuable to others and more importantly that I do not have to be perfect to be worthy or successful.

And hopefully you know that YOU do not have to be perfect to be worthy or successful. You can just be you. You can be human. You can make mistakes. You can be imperfect and STILL add value to others. So I'd like to encourage you to follow Nike's lead this week and 'Just Do It' and I hope as you do you'll share your results with me either in the comments below or by phone or email. Because I'm positive that you'll add huge value to people when you choose to let go of being perfect and you Just Do It.

To Your Energy & Pleasure

Kristie McMaster

Have you have ever been called 'stupid' for making a decision that someone disagreed with?

Has someone ever told you that chasing your dream would be 'irresponsible' or 'not fair' on your loved ones?

Or perhaps you have been judged as a parent, because you enjoy focusing on your work and that means you don't dedicate 100% of your time and attention to your children? Or it may mean you've chosen not to have children so that you can pursue your career or other ambitions?

OR perhaps you enjoy being a stay at home parent and you're judged because you are 'giving up' on a promising career and you're 'not living up to your potential'?

Over the years I have faced most of these opinions, and more, and many of them came in the disguise of well meaning advice, from people thinking they were being helpful by sharing their concerns with me.

But in most cases, as well meaning as it was, it was't Good Advice, it was a little something I like to call 'Other People's Hang-Ups'.

What Do I Mean By 'Other People's Hang-Ups'?

'Other People's Hangups', or OPH for short, is when someone has an issue of their own that is holding them back in life and they project that issue on to you. It could be a past shame, humiliation, limiting belief or regret, among other things. OPH often arises when you step out and do something with your life that acts as a trigger for the other person to recall and FEEL their Hang-Up in a big way - they FEEL their past shame, humiliation, regret or whatever their issue is. And because it was you and what you're doing in life that caused them to feel it they think their feeling is all about you and what you're doing. And rather than being honest with themselves that it's actually about them, they project it on to you, often in the form of sharing 'advice' or voicing 'concern'.

More often than not OPH comes from well meaning people who think they are helping you by warning you or protecting you against the perils of your decision or action. Sometimes it can be hostile and other times it can be a gentle expression of concern. Either way, it must be recognised for what it is otherwise, if you take it on board and accept the issue as your own, you will not achieve your dream and then you'll become a projector of your own Hang-Up's onto others.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a big believer in receiving feedback, in having mentors and in modeling people who have the results I'm trying to achieve. For that reason I regularly seek out the feedback and advice of those who have walked the path before me and I invest very heavily in doing so. But I am very selective about who I receive that feedback and advice from! I am very careful to seek out mentors who have the results I'm trying to achieve. People who are committed to personal development and releasing the issues from their past that are holding them back.

And by doing this I have received a lot of excellent advice that's helped me achieve my goals and avoid some major pitfalls.

But, at the same time, I've had lots of OPH projected on to me in the disguise of 'advice' and 'concern' and it has been my job to filter through it all and learn the difference.

Why is it important to know the difference between Good Advice and Other People's Hang-Ups?

Recognising the difference between Good Advice and OPH could mean the difference between you pursuing and achieving your dream or you shrinking back and allowing OPH to hold you back from making the difference in this world that ONLY YOU can make!

Good Advice from the right mentors will accelerate your success and the achievement of your dream. It will keep you on the right track, it will prevent you from some pretty major pitfalls - personally and professionally. It will cause you to reflect on yourself for the purpose of growth and development and it will help you to work through your own personal issues and hangups so that you don't project your own version of OPH on to others!

OPH however can hold you back unnecessarily from achieving your dream and if you take it on board as your own, it will lead to your own life of regret. It can breed guilt, shame, regret and numerous other symptoms of laying your dream aside and knowing you could have made a difference...but didn't. I know which one I'd prefer, how about you?

How do I deal with OPH and the people it comes from?

The best strategy I've come across so far is to say 'Thanks For Sharing' and just leave it at that. While you're still learning this skill, you may then wish to take the OPH to a trusted mentor to work through it and release it so it doesn't attach itself to you. Soon though you will become an expert at identifying OPH and protecting yourself from it.

The biggest learning though is that OPH has nothing to do with you. You don't have to take it on board, you don't have to justify yourself to the other person, you don't have to feel guilty for your success, you don't have to feel guilty that they have Hang-Ups in this area while you're feeling free and empowered to pursue your dream, and you don't have to expose yourself to it if it's constantly coming from the same people time and time again.

OPH is their issue and they must own it and work through it and when you can feel ok about that, you'll be free from OPH and free to pursue your dream and make the difference in this world that only you can make - as a parent, as a business owner or entrepreneur, as an employee, as a public figure, as a leader... in whatever way your dream and passion causes you to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

How do I make sure I don't project my own issues or hangups on to others?

I'll be the first to say that I used to be an excellent projector of my own Hang-Ups onto others! Many of you reading this post have probably even been subject to my Hang-Ups in the past and for that I apologise!

The best way to prevent yourself from becoming a projector of OPH onto others is to keep working through your own 'stuff'. See a professional if you have to, work through your limiting beliefs, reflect on your past and identify the areas that still hold pain, shame, humiliation, regret and make a decision to let it go.

And if someone is doing something with their life that makes you want to share your 'advice' or your 'concerns', or that raises strong emotion for you, learn to evaluate where your advice or emotion is coming from. And always ask yourself 'Is this my own Hang-Up that I'm about to project onto them in the form of 'advice' or 'concern'?

If the answer to that question is Yes, then you're probably best to reserve your 'advice' or opinion until you've worked through your emotion or concern and released it. Only then will you be able to assess whether you're dishing out Good Advice or OPH!

I'll leave it there for today. I'd love to know whether you also face OPH from time to time and whether you've become skilled at identifying and rejecting it or whether it's still holding you back? Please share your experience in the comments if you feel comfortable because your experience could be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now.

To Your Energy & Pleasure

Kristie McMaster

How many of you have heard the saying that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything?

And how many of you realise that your dream - your message - IS what you stand for?

It's the thing that gives you a standard against which to measure the various opportunities that come your way; that gives you criteria for saying yes or no to people when they ask you to get involved in things. It helps you decide whether to buy certain products, services, training programs, seminars, workshops and it means you can say No to the one's that don't align without feeling bad or guilty or that you're missing out on some great opportunity!

So let me ask you this: Are you stuck in a job you don't like but you're not sure what to do next, so you just stay there? Are you struggling to say No to things; are you struggling to make decisions about what to do next; whether to buy a certain product, service, training program OR do you find yourself buying into everything that's offered to you, you find yourself giving in to the emotional sales pitch in search of the next new shiny thing? Do you find yourself going to every meeting and event you're invited to? Do you waste time reading every single article that you see on Facebook and LinkedIn - even if they're not particularly relevant to you!? If you said YES to any of these questions, perhaps it's because you don't yet have the clarity you need around your dream - your message - the thing you stand for?

But how many of you agree that it's not always easy to know what you stand for; what your specific dream - your specific message - is? Heck, sometimes its not even easy to know what our goal for today or tomorrow is!

The thing most of us overlook is that the ability to describe our goals, our dreams, our message to the world specifically and with clarity doesn't always come easily. Sometimes it takes time, effort, focus and persistence before we nail it. Has anyone else found this?

About 3-4 years ago I had achieved a lot of the goals and dreams I'd set for myself: I'd finished school, graduated from uni, got married, started a family, bought a house, traveled, started and ran my own successful business ... and I found myself in the predicament I described above. I was saying Yes to everything, No to nothing, I was wasting time reading Facebook, I signed up for several network marketing opportunities, LOTS of courses, seminars, workshops etc, I was running a business I wasn't in love with but I stayed in it because I wasn't sure quite what else I would do. In short, I was struck down with the NNST Syndrome (that's 'Next New Shiny Thing' Syndrome for those who are lucky enough NOT to know what that is!!).

And then I got sick and tired of it and realised I needed to get clear on what I wanted the next 10 years of my life to look like. But like many of you, I really had no idea what that would be! It was quite blurry and I didn't have any strong conviction about anything in particular. There were a few things I could have done, but none of them came from a place of deep passion and desire. So, I started thinking about it and investing time and effort in identifying my new dream - my new message - one that came from a place of deep passion and desire. And guess how long it's taken me to figure it out? ... Are you sure you want to know? ... Ok...it's taken the whole 3-4 YEARS! It's only now that I have clarity around what my dream - my message - is. Of course I've set & achieved shorter term goals for myself in far less time than that, but I'm talking here about an overarching dream - a message - that will help me determine what I will and won't spend my time, effort, energy, money etc on over the next 5 - 10 years.

So many people who come to me for help in this area get frustrated that they can't quite articulate their goals, their dream, their message straight away. They think that in a couple of hours they can nail it. But that's not always how it works! Sure, some people probably get that lightening bolt, but I don't think that's how it works for most of us. How about you, what is your experience around this?

But I want to encourage you today that no matter how much time, effort, focus and persistence it takes before you gain clarity around your goals and dreams - to the point where you can describe them very specifically - it is definitely worth it! Because once you have the clarity; once you can describe your goal or dream very specifically, the journey to achieving it is FAR easier than thinking of it in the first place! So please don't let impatience or frustration rob you of your dream.

Perhaps, like I did, you are suffering from the NNST Syndrome? You find yourself randomly chasing opportunities but they're not linked to anything so you're not getting the results or fulfillment you want?

Like I said before, I was sick of living like this so I decided to go in search of my dream; my message; the one theme that would link everything together. Something that would give me a standard against which I could measure the various opportunities that came my way, that would give me some criteria for saying yes or no to people when they asked me to get involved in things. That would help me decide whether to buy into various training programs, seminars, workshops, webinars etc etc etc. Something that would keep me energized and committed when the going got tough - as it inevitably does from time to time. Something that would stop me from burning myself out. That may even cure me of the dreaded NNST Syndrome!

Does that sound like something you'd love too? If so, please be encouraged! Because after investing the time, effort, focus and persistence required to gain clarity around my dream I have STOPPED saying yes to everything, I have STOPPED signing up for every new opportunity, I have STARTED living a far more focused life. I have not burnt myself out, in fact just the opposite, I have more energy now than I've ever had before (those who know me personally would wonder how that is possible!!). And I am getting better and faster RESULTS than ever before. Plus in the past I used to have to go knocking and hustling for opportunity, now it's started coming to me! The people, resources and opportunities that I need to make my dream a reality are mysteriously (well, its not a mystery to me any more because I've learnt why that happens but most people think it's mysterious) coming to me exactly when I need them!

So...what's the difference? It's KNOWING my dream! KNOWING my message. And not just a vague knowing but knowing with clarity to the point where I can describe it specifically.

I have put this to the test with various smaller goals and I have proven to myself time and time again that clarity - the ability to articulate the goal specifically - makes ALL the difference.

It's how I sold my business last year in less than 90 days when the business brokers I spoke to said it would take 6-12 months or even longer. It's how I've helped others gain clarity around their dream job and then witnessed them find and get offered that job in less than 90 days. It's how I've helped people with low self-confidence get to a point of telling me 'I feel so confident' in just 2-3 weeks!

But...here's the clincher... in my experience, gaining this clarity is often the hardest and longest phase of making your dream a reality. And for that reason it's where most people give up.

But...the good news is... if you put in the time and effort, if you wrestle with that goal or that dream until it becomes clear - until you can describe the outcome very specifically - if you stick at it despite the impatience and the frustration you are almost certain to achieve your goals and make your dream a reality! And the exciting part is that if the search for clarity seems like a mile, the distance between gaining the clarity and starting to see your dream become a reality seems like a millimeter! In my experience, the clarity is like Astro Boy's rocket boots and once you've got them on, things seem to take off!

So please keep at it. Stick with it. Battle it out. Put in the time, the effort, the focus, the persistence...even though it seems haaaaaaard. Even though it might not come to you straight away. Because once that clarity comes - once you're able to describe your goal, your dream or your message specifically - you will know as I know, that it was worth it!

To Your Energy & Pleasure

Kristie McMaster

"If you don't do this, you're a selfish bi#ch"

These were the words of my mentor to a friend who had just shared with us her 'dream' - her unique 'message' to the world. It seems like a pretty harsh response right!? I thought so at first. But when the meaning of his words hit me, I realised it wasn't harsh at all, in fact it was very true and it was exactly what she needed to hear. And do you know why?

Because she hadn't done anything about it yet!

My friend has a very powerful and much needed message to share and because she hasn't done anything about it, there are hundreds and probably thousands of people missing out. People who desperately need what my friend has, but until she is willing to step up, lay aside the excuses, overcome the fear and get out there with her message, they will continue to miss out.

In her mind, her 'dream' - her 'message' - wasn't that important, she felt it was insignificant in the scheme of things. But to someone else, someone who is facing the exact same life circumstances that my friend overcame, her message of hope and triumph could make ALL the difference.

As the words of my mentor sunk in I realised that they applied equally to me. And I wonder, if you're willing to admit it, if they also apply to you?

You see, we think our 'dream' - our unique message to the world - is all about us. That it's some pipe dream that we'll never achieve OR that it's too small and insignificant, so we never even bother trying. We think that the only person who'll be affected if we don't get off our butts and make it happen, is us. But the truth is, it's not about us! It's about others; it's about the impact our message will have on all those who desperately need to hear it. And if we allow our own unbelief, our own fear, our own low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, lack of education ...whatever our 'excuse' is...to hold us back then we're not just ripping ourselves off, we're ripping off every single person who would benefit from our unique message; whether that be a message of hope, love or courage, whether it be making beautiful healing music for people to listen, sing or dance to or whether it's some other product, service or skill that is going to make people's lives better in some way.

If you have a dream, or a message that keeps coming up for you, have you ever stopped to consider that there is a reason that dream has impressed itself upon your heart? That perhaps only YOU, with your unique life experiences, perspective and skill, can make it happen? And that if you allow your excuses and insecurities to keep you from that dream, you are withholding a beautiful gift from the people who need it most?

The power of this message is still sinking in for me, but the more I dwell on it, the more committed I am to step up and live my dream because, while it's sometimes easy to short change myself, I don't want to short change others! And I've realised that's what I've been doing by letting all of my own excuses get in the way of living my own dream - of sharing my own unique message to the world.

In closing, I'd like to ask you: What is your dream? What is your unique message to the world? And what are you doing about it? Because if you keep laying it aside, you're not just ripping yourself off, you're ripping others off and you're withholding a beautiful gift from those who need it most. Or...in the words of my mentor 'If you don't do it, you're a selfish [insert profanity here!]'!

How many of you find that when you're doing something you love, you are filled with energy? So filled with energy, that hours feel like minutes and sleep is an optional extra!?

And would you agree that life is so much more enjoyable when its peppered with pleasurable moments? Moments that have no other purpose perhaps than to bring joy to your heart and a smile to your lips.

I don't know about you, but for me, those two statements are true. And for that reason I've decided to make my theme for 2014: Energy & Pleasure! I plan to FIND & DO the things that fill me with energy, STOP DOING what drains and depletes me of energy & ENJOY life's pleasures.

I have started identifying things in all three categories and as I do I am taking steps to do more of what energizes me, less of what drains me and to indulge myself in life's pleasures (something I used to feel VERY guilty about but am now teaching myself to enjoy!!).

And the result? Well, one example of what happens when I tap into things that energize me: I just spent a week in Thailand at a 5 day training intensive where I slept no more than 3-4 hours a night and participated at 100% from 8am - 2am every day. And when I say I participated at 100% I mean I engaged physically, emotionally and mentally in every single aspect of the training, always going above and beyond to ensure I and my teammates got the most from the experience. Despite being 6 months pregnant I had MORE ENERGY during those 5 days, and the days following, than I usually have when I sleep 6-8 hours a night but am doing something that doesn't energize me as much as this training did! That's all the evidence I need to continue pursuing what energizes me. How about you?

So, my questions to you are:

After experiencing what life can be like when I'm in sync with the things that energize me, there is NO WAY I am willing to live my life doing anything but. My hope for you is that you will also find what energizes you and do more of it. That you will identify what drains and depletes you and do less of it. And that you will find what pleasures you and build those things into your daily life as a way to love and reward yourself, for no other reason than 'just because'!

To Your Energy & Pleasure

Kristie McMaster